Life's too short. The words cut a deeper chord than he's sure Jesper really understands. Doesn't he realize he knows that? He's known since he was small how short the hand any of them were dealt could be. His parents. His brother. Matthias, since then, even. His gaze drops to his hands in his lap, not sure what to say to that at all.
"I don't know how." he says, voice quiet. It sounds stupid, even to his own ears, but that's how it feels. Like all the parts of him that might have once been able to do exactly that, at the drop of a hat and pick of a whim, had atrophied, withered up and turned to dust a long time ago.
He finally looks up at Jesper again. "What if I can't? What if... nothing changes, and everything's the way it's always been?" Will he get fed up with it all eventually? Decide he can't take dealing with someone like Kaz but for so long? His people leaving him, particularly because he couldn't be the person they want– need?– him to be, is one of the only things Kaz truly fears at all. His circle is so small, if they started to walk away, it wouldn't take long before he was left with no one.
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Date: 2021-10-30 06:33 pm (UTC)"I don't know how." he says, voice quiet. It sounds stupid, even to his own ears, but that's how it feels. Like all the parts of him that might have once been able to do exactly that, at the drop of a hat and pick of a whim, had atrophied, withered up and turned to dust a long time ago.
He finally looks up at Jesper again. "What if I can't? What if... nothing changes, and everything's the way it's always been?" Will he get fed up with it all eventually? Decide he can't take dealing with someone like Kaz but for so long? His people leaving him, particularly because he couldn't be the person they want– need?– him to be, is one of the only things Kaz truly fears at all. His circle is so small, if they started to walk away, it wouldn't take long before he was left with no one.